Children Need Attentive Allies During Holiday Celebrations
Have you ever heard that the more adults that are present at a gathering, the more dangerous it is for children?
This is something that is most apparent at backyard swimming pools.
I’ve always been taught that the more adults there are, the more dangerous it is for kids.
It seems like it should be the opposite. Lots of adults means lots of supervision, right?
If you’ve ever been in a multi-generational gathering, you probably know why many adults does not mean extra safety for children.
The fact is, the more adults there are, the easier it is to be distracted. On top of the extra energy and enthusiasm of adult conversations, it is easy to assume that someone else is paying attention.
This is true at a pool, and it’s true at a family gathering.
Throw in a few alcoholic drinks, and what could be an enjoyable evening for some can have devastating consequences for others.
Recently, I was at a restaurant with a large multi-generational group. I found myself at a table with the younger crowd. The adults who were closer to my age occupied tables across the aisle, while I mingled with ‘kids’ between 10 years old and their early 20’s.
We had a lovely time, but I noticed that the youngest in the group was routinely overlooked and ignored. The 10-year-old asked a question of the group, and I watched the group ignore the youngster and carry on with their conversation, unphased by the inaudible sounds of a 10-year-old.
I watched some of the group share screen shots, memes, and internet jokes by passing their phones around… but not all the way down the table to the youngest, who was left out of the conversation.
Multiple times the youngest was sharing a story and the rest of the table lost interest and began their own discussion and I was the only one left paying attention to the story.
It got me thinking.
What if I hadn’t been there? More often than not, our particular group ends up with adults on one side of the event, and the ‘kids’ on the other side.
Adults at one table, kids at the other.
Adults in one room, kids in another room.
As we enter the holiday season, many of us will find ourselves at gatherings where this type of separation is not just common, but expected.
So this holiday season, I am encouraging all of us who identify as child advocates or allies, to appoint ourselves as ‘lifeguards’ for children.
Those of us who accept this role, can make a huge difference for the lives of our children.
As ‘lifeguards’ at mixed gatherings, we can operate much like lifeguards at a pool.
We can pay attention. We can look around. We can walk around.
Where is everyone, and what are they up to?
Lifeguards at a pool are trained to look at the faces of swimmers. That’s where the first signs of distress are. Drowning is silent, so lifeguards look for signs of panic, they don’t listen for sounds of drowning.
At family gatherings, we can adopt the same safety measures.
We can make a point of looking at the faces of the kids. Look at their eyes to determine if they are feeling joy, or stress.
Talk to them and listen to what they are saying.
If someone is being left out, or bullied, or teased… we can intervene to help that child find a way to enjoy their time.
We can’t fix everyone’s behaviour, but we can pay attention and provide support to the children who need attention.
Remember, they’re kids. They haven’t mastered consent. They don’t always look out for each other. They are working on getting their own needs met, not necessarily paying attention to other children’s needs.
That’s our job.
This holiday season, I hope that children will be cared for, paid attention to, and protected from harm (both intentional and unintentional).
I hope that you will have a full team of ‘lifeguards’ so that the responsibility does not fall unfairly on one person, but that all adults will participate in protecting our children.
It really does take a village to raise a child.
As we come to the end of 2022, I want to wish you the very best for this season and the new year.
I hope you will feel confident to set boundaries to protect children. I hope you will be supported in your efforts.
It is often the very smallest actions, the briefest encounters that can set the tone for keeping kids safe.
Thank you, advocates and allies, for all you have done and all that you continue to do to protect children.
See you in 2023!
“If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children.”